Cameran Rose - 7lb 14 oz - September 4 2013
I often think about the night Cameran was born. I even had reoccurring dreams for the first few weeks of nothing but the delivery room ceiling above my head. I remember staring at that ceiling for what felt like hours, although it was probably minutes, wondering what life would now be like.
My husband and I always knew we wanted two children, and to have them close in age - but we weren't expecting them to be SO close in age. ;) I found out I was pregnant with Cameran when I was 10 weeks. This would mean Ben and Cameran would be 17 months apart. Yikes!! Despite being a TAD nervous, we were beyond excited to have another baby again. And what could be better than having one of each? My pregnancy went perfect - all of my doctors visits and ultrasounds went well. I was so excited that I was going to have a baby girl! I pictured everything we would do together, from her childhood playing with dolls to her adult years laughing and telling stories over a bottle of wine. She would be my very best friend. Chris was also thrilled to have a "daddy's girl". He sees the amazing relationship that I have with my Dad and couldn't wait to experience that himself.
I always prayed that my child would be born healthy - that was my number one concern. But besides that, I hoped for things to go well after she was born. Would she be an easy baby? Would she be colicky? Would I be able to get her on the same great schedule that her brother was on? Would I lose my baby weight? All of these questions and concerns seemed so important at the time. Little did I know I would have WAY bigger things to deal with.
Before I knew it, it was Cameran's due date (September 3). When would she come? I was so antsy! The next day, which was also my father's birthday, I began contracting. By early evening I was on my way to the hospital, and after waiting in the emergency room for almost 2 hours I was contracting about a minute apart when they sent me up to delivery! I just wanted that epidural so I could be pain-free and ready to enjoy the most amazing experience that I remembered so clearly when I gave birth to Ben. After receiving the epidural I was a chatterbox, laughing with my husband and my mom. We couldn't wait to meet Cameran and to see how beautiful she was. The doctor was amazed at how fast I progressed and told me that she'd be out with one push, tops. Well, he was right! I pushed once and he carefully pulled her out.
"Look down, here she comes!" the nurse said.
She was finally here, and I cried with excitement. I looked at my mother and my husband with the biggest smile on my face, only to see that they weren't smiling at all. They both looked terrified. I figured it was because the doctor was suctioning her mouth to get her to cry.
I told my husband "It's ok, they just want her to cry. She's fine! Don't worry."
She cried, but then things got really quiet, and the doctor held her up to show me her arm. I will never, ever, forget that moment or his soft, sympathetic words - "I'm not sure if you saw, but she is missing her hand. But she's okay, it's just her hand that is missing."
I gasped, and immediately began to cry. My husband, mother and I all cried while the nurses tried to console us. My mind raced - How did this happen? Why did this happen? What would Cameran's life be like? What would our family's life be like? Would she get married some day? Would she be okay? I couldn't believe how different my life felt in that one second.
The morning after, Chris and I both came to the realization that our baby girl was so perfect. She was made this way for a reason. She was different, but we are all different in some way or another. I answered all of my own questions that flooded my mind the night before. Why did this happen? - Because this was God's plan. What would Cameran's life be like? Her life will be inspiring and amazing to all who know her. What would our family's life be like? Our life will be filled with love. Would she get married some day? Of course she will, and she will find a truly amazing man. Would she be okay? She'll be more than okay - she'll be amazing.
We knew she was going to be just fine, and most importantly we knew that we could provide her a life filled with love and support. As the days went by, I felt better and better. And here we are, two months later, happy as can be. Everyone that meets Cameran falls in love with her. She truly is the happiest baby! Her smile can light up a room. I can't picture life without her, and I am looking forward to this amazing journey we are headed on. I know she is going to amaze and inspire us all throughout her life.
So to all the new mothers out there who were faced with something unexpected and are feeling scared and alone, know that it gets easier. (No really, I promise you it does). Your baby will fill you with more joy than you ever thought possible, and you will love them even MORE than you thought you ever could. Cameran is our angel and is destined for greatness! xo
Proud Papi! (Birthday buddies)
Our little angel...